“It’s been 10 years since Ryan and I have purchased a real tree. The last time we did, a fleet of giant bugs bore out of it and ransacked our living room. No really, I have pictures of Ryan posing for our newlywed Christmas picture holding a can of Raid.
Since then, real trees haven’t really been our “thing.” But they’re unbeatably gorgeous! The smell! And so perfectly imperfect! I was really excited to redeem the real tree experience, and fully prepared for a little more mess than usual. First step, wrestle it into the house. Pine needles and sap everywhere. No problem. Next step, saw off the bottom so that it can suck up water. Sawdust, pine needles and sap everywhere. OK, we can do this. Next, set it in its stand in the living room and water it. Try to crawl under the tree and pour the water in without gouging your eyes out on a pine branch. Water, sawdust, pine needles and sap everywhere. Wait two days and recover from this experience.
Finally the fates converge- it’s not too cold, too dark, or too windy, and I have a few hours of free time. It’s time to flock the tree! It takes two of us to get it back out of the stand and carried through the house (water, pine needles and sap everywhere) and out into the backyard. We set it up in the stand. The wind blows it over.
We set it back up in the stand. Over the course of two hours I spray three light coats of flocking, getting more excited with each one. It’s so pretty!!! All the branches are heavy with realistic looking snow. It’s a winter wonderland tree if there ever was one! I’m so excited. I wait impatiently for hours for it to dry. Get sidetracked, finally look out the window- it’s face down in the yard. My grass is now perfectly flocked…the tree, not so much anymore. It basically looks like it has a light dusting of baby powder on it. Or it’s just a blue spruce. Commence inward crying.”
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